Reconnecting to my Creative-Self

Welcome back to Ranting Rose! I have missed her and I hope you has as well. Writing is my jam, it is my comfort and it is my main artistic expression. I have held her back for too long and am looking forward to releasing her to the world once more.

I am here again to explore and reflect on my creative journey. I was reminded today of an amazing event I helped plan and execute nationwide, and how I felt that it was setting me up for my future. I was in total alignment with my values professionally and personally and felt completely in my flow.

I knew during this event that I was ready to take on this expressive environment in a new way and was offered my dream job to build off of that experience on one condition, I had to move to Dallas, Texas. 

I was given an opportunity to develop an artistic community and gallery space in their Design District. I spent months preparing, researching, and negotiating before I finally made my way south. Once I arrived, I was under the impression everything was going to be full speed ahead and that I would be up and running this space with a team within weeks. Instead I experienced consistent delays and disappointments, without pay, leaving me in a very precarious situation. 

I felt failure. Failure like I had never experienced before in my life.

As someone who constantly attempted to portray strength, I was deeply struggling. Alone in a new city I began to turn to other expressions in order to find a glimpse of progress. I was going out of my comfort zone to make new friends, in some good ways and some less good ways. I was experimenting and exploring whenever I could, always holding onto that little glimmer of hope it gave me. Yet, I was continuing to struggle. I felt farther from myself than I had in years. I let myself down on a daily basis by sitting and waiting. 

While I sat and waited, I slowly began to remove myself from the art world. The fire I had inside of me for so long was gradually fizzling out, till there came a point where there almost wasn’t any flicker left. My self destructive behaviors had taken their course and I had lost sight of the light that once guided me.

I spent the last year and a half afraid of my artistic expression. Afraid of my creativity. I was worried about what would become revealed through my vulnerability. I only allowed certain interpretive moments and experiences access to a hint of my imagination. Normally, those were in moments when I needed a distraction from stress rather than for enjoyment. 

Recently, I began experimenting again. I have been returning to the basics of artistic learning and expression, attempting to rebuild my creative flow. I find that this journey towards personal and experimental growth is perfectly aligned with my vision for my future and I believe that it is important for all of us to return to this infantile level of our imaginations.

No criticisms, no failures, no pressure. Simply creativity for creativity’s sake.

While reflecting on the roller coaster ride my mind has taken the past couple of years, I have decided that I am going to make this development a priority. I am going to mindfully enjoy these playful and expressive elements of my life once more.

Therefore, you’ll be receiving more blogs over the next few weeks as I go through preparation for a creative exploration program I am developing from basics artistic expression and knowledge in order to stay in that flow .

We can all learn from each other. We can all overcome together. And we can all reconnect to our creative expressions.

The program is ultimately providing an opportunity to reconnect, create and receive clarity. I am so excited to begin this chapter and I am thrilled to have you join along.

Leave your thoughts below. I have missed you all.